The thing about being human is that we sometimes have our “human nature” that bugs us. We get impatient, snappy, nasty and then say the worst things that obviously don’t help in any situation at all.
And kids, they clearly have great powers in summoning our “human nature” more often than not. They whine, sulk, retort, bargain for reasons unbeknownst to mommies and daddies, which basically just make things worse.
But I found out a trick or two about taming little tantrums some time back so that things like these don’t irk us or “add fire to fuel” at “pivotal moments” such like the first instance of stepping into home after a long day at work (happens to me😭). The trick is using keywords that work like magic in various trying situations. For instance,
- When kid cries because he/she feels overwhelmed/powerless – say “Okay, Mommy knows …”
- When kid acts up in front of homework – say, “I am here to help you …”
- When kid whines – say “I know you are tired …”
Clearly, it’s about giving them the idea that you know exactly what they are going through and here to help even if sometimes you really don’t why and don’t feel up to it.
Empathy takes centrestage a large part of the time when it comes to parenting so in getting a headway with kids, isn’t it intuitive to show them some kindness and let them see you as a pillar of support, a cheerleader, a guide rather than a micro-manager?
See kids as people, not projects; Create connection, not resistance, which almost always manifest as a counter force to pressure rather than the other way round. It’s pure physics after all.
(Keen to learn more? Read here for another tip I have on what makes kids tick!)