Moms, how do we reinvent?

I haven’t been writing up a storm over here for a good 3 months, have I?

Shame on me because I wanted to keep up with blogging, which has been my goal since last year, not to mention work hard on creating my dream job – a blogger! But still, not so shame on me because I really haven’t forgotten about this sacred space! The key is in picking up where we left off and making sure we just keep going at it, isn’t it?

There you go, perspective shifted.

Step 1: Shift your perspective

To be honest, I haven’t really thought about how powerful a change in viewpoint works on the psychology. I supposed that’s because growing up, I never exactly faced real struggles in life except making sure I studied hard, got the grades I desired, did my parents proud, that sort of thing. I was blessed.

But mothering (if there is ever such a term) is clearly a different ballgame altogether. Having my firstborn was definitely a blessing, just that it sort of worked the other way round. I experienced firsthand what it meant to constantly ‘wear your heart on your sleeves’. Being a first-time mom, I struggled. In fact, I struggled with different struggles the second time round too! I remembered how I was constantly lamenting to my mom about this whole mothering affair, a clear manifestation of my worried mind and insecure heart, but a simple word of advice she once gave made me feel SO MUCH better in an instant!

I can’t remember the details of that exact moment of revelation because my mommy brain has gone through umpteen times of information over-writing ever since, but I do remember how a shift in perspective made ALL THE DIFFERENCE.

Step 2: Not shift the blame

Honestly, I didn’t arrive to where I am today without my fair share of blame. I guess for someone who grew up sheltered, it was not unfathomable that when thrown into the deep end of things, my struggles to stay afloat inevitably translated to blaming others. But blame never gets you anywhere! I should know it because it took me years to figure that out and such a waste of time and energy! 😭 But on a more positive note, I’m glad a large part of that is over now.

You see, if you want to see a change, in you, you got to work it from the inside. Own up to yourself and reclaim your control to do something rather than relinquish that power by blaming the next person. And so what if it’s really his fault? You choose the way you see the situation by making the best out of things! Go from ‘heck’ to ‘hack’!

Not shifting blame inevitably allows us to open our minds to more paths that connect with others, and more ways to become better versions of ourselves.

Step 3: Invest in yourself

Okay, we get the drift – be better, stay positive, right? But how exactly so?

Generally speaking, Finance 101 tells us that that to be financially better off, we ought to invest in financial products like stocks and bonds today. In the same vein, to be better tomorrow, we invest in ourselves by:

  • Pursuing our passions,
  • Taking care of ourselves.

For this, I’m still a work-in-progress but I’m starting to have a feel of how ‘investing in myself’ fits in with the theme of my life. I view life quite differently these days and follow my heart more rather than sticking to the should-bes like what I tended to do before. I get going, be involved, learn, try something different, experience first-hand, gain new skills, think new thoughts, speak to new people. Just because.

For a start, I ditched my long-time bob look and went all out with a pixie cut recently! Honestly, I never thought I could pull off a short crop like this one I’m sporting but 2 weeks along, I still think my hairdresser did a great job with the cut, not to mention feeling edgier! 😁 I’m starting to like this whole idea about trying new things!

Took the plunge!

Introspectively, I listen in on my self-talk more mindfully now and always attempt to view my internal dialogue objectively rather than allowing every single bad thought scare the hell out of me. This, my mommy friends, has been a game-changer! When we “feel bad”, we need to remind ourselves that negative thoughts cannot be the be-all and end-all (of course not!) because if they were, positive ones have an equal chance of being the be-all and end-all too! Basically, you need to tell yourself a different story from what you would normally do because you are not the you yesterday. Learn to be kinder to yourself. ❀

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